Today marks the last day of March, the last day of my one month depression until the next March. Every year, I’d just be glad that this month was over and not do anything but move on with my life. This year, I wanted to do something different. So, I bought myself 3 sunflowers. Why sunflowers you asked? It was my dad’s favorite flower. He always loved it for as long as I can remember. I decided to do a ritual of saying goodbye to him and to the month of March at the lake in front of my condominium at the park. Why the lake? It was one of his favorite places in the whole of Subang Jaya. Why 3 out of every other number I could have? Easy, because each of them represents a specific day and meaning as you shall see.
The first flower is a dedication for my dad’s birthday. His birthday was at the 1st of March and he would have turned 62 this year. I said happy birthday to him and gave him this flower as well as told him stories of the good old times back then. I remembered on one of my birthdays back then when he and my whole family tricked me during my birthday. They made it as if they never bought any birthday presents for me that year. They told me sorry and I said to them it was okay with a broken heart that year. When I came back from the bathroom, the room was filled with presents and I was so surprised by it. I still couldn’t believe they pulled off a stunt like that on me! Wish I could have gotten even with them for that. I wanted to do something like that on his birthday. As they say, it’s never too late. It’s my turn to surprise you with this flower. Happy birthday Papa!
The second flower was a dedication to the anniversary of the day of his death. He died battling cancer on the 29th of March 2000. It was such a sad day and I was still so young that I couldn’t remember much on what happen that day. But I did remember that he smiled all the way until the very end. I never got a chance to say goodbye to him before because I was too young to understand what it meant when someone died. And so, with this flower I say goodbye to him. I told him that I love him, that I miss him, and that I’ll be okay no matter what happens from now on. Even though we’re apart from each other physically, I know that he’s always with me in my heart. I hope you’re having a nice time up there owning a field of sunflowers as far as you can see just like the ones you’ve described to me before. Rest in peace Papa…
The last flower was to say goodbye to the month of March. Finally, the month of depression is over. With this flower, I throw my sorrows and regrets away, letting it get washed away into the water. I break myself free from the chains that had held me back for all this time. I wish upon this flower that may I find peace within my mind, and my heart. Goodbye for another year March. I’ll do my best to get over the month of March next time for my family, for my friends, for my dad, and most of all… for myself.
This goodbye ritual has helped me find what I’ve been looking for… closure. I’m thinking of making this a yearly thing so that every time March came along, I’d do this at the end. It certainly makes me feel better to do this rather than just wait for the month to end and not do anything. Some wise friends of mine once told me, that instead of thinking about it too much, getting myself depressed, I should do something for my dad and for myself. Thanks to everyone who’s put up with me all throughout this month and those who’ve helped me get through all of this. Sorry for causing such trouble to everyone and again, thank you. Till next time Papa, bye bye!
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