Insecurity has been filling up my time lately. I have been thinking of how dependent I am getting towards my close friends. Whenever I wanted to do something, I felt as if... it was necessary to get their "approval" on it. I seemed to have lost my individualistic behavior as I can't seem to be by myself anymore.
It used to be so simple. I had set to myself a few basic rules to follow after my dad died. One of it being that I should never get close to anyone, because everyone would leave you one day. If you never get close to them, then you would never end up getting hurt again. I've been breaking that rule lately it seems... as I can't seem to go through the day normally without spending time with certain people.
But, just because I hang out with them almost everyday, doesn't mean that I have told them about what has been going on lately. I still have my mask on, even if the pain was excruciating... I don't like to trouble any of them with any of it as they have their own problems to deal with. Who am I to further burden them and spoil the fun?
Little pieces of me are breaking away from myself. I've change into something that I wish it had never existed. I wonder if I would still be able to keep a straight face when the time comes and I have to be separated from them. I guess only time will tell.
