Where are you?

Seriously … I can’t believe that none of them remembered what the 29th of March is… All of them are having the time of their lives like it never happened… they don’t even seem to have any remote feelings about it… Why do I have to go through it alone?

Back then, I was the one who had to be the grownup when everyone was too busy going through their grief… What about me? Who was supposed to be in charge of me? I was just a kid... Why do I have to take care of all of you and say that everything is going to be alright when you guys are the ones that were supposed to be telling me that?

When one of you had conflicts with each other after the event, why do I have to be the catalyst of the conflict? What did I do to make myself be in that position? Why am I to be blamed? Why can’t you blame yourself instead of blaming the kid who had to take care of all of you?

When one of you got sick, I had to be the one to stay at home and take care of you. No one else wanted to volunteer. Was school unimportant for me to go through? Why was it that a kid had to be the one to take care of a grownup? Why was there no one helping me when I was sick? Where was my hand of salvation?

When one of you was full of anger, I was the one that you vent your anger out to. I was the punching bag for you, even though I was going through the same thing as all of you. Why couldn’t you return the favour and let me at least yell at one of you to make myself feel better?

When one of you wanted to cry, I gave you my shoulder to cry on… Why wasn’t I treated the same? Why couldn’t I have the time to cry for myself? Instead, I was there looking after all of you, being strong for you.

I was there for all of you, where was my support?! And now after 10 years, you act is if he doesn't exist anymore… All of you just laugh at your jokes and complain about whatever idiotically petty matters that you are going through while I am still suffering. Even after 10 years, am I still the adult and still have to keep my feelings to myself? I can’t even have a normal conversation with anyone of you, because I don’t even know what to say to all of you anymore… Where’s my shoulder to cry on? Who do I vent my anger out to? Who is going to take care of me? Where is everyone…?